What Strong Families Have in Common Part 3

Strong Families Have Good Communication


This applies to the marriage relationship as well as parent/child relationship.
Sort of like this…A child comes home from college, the dad says, how’s college? “Good”, How are your grades? “Good” How’s your friends? /food? /dorm life?
By the way, what are you majoring in? “Communications”
Unfortunately, he learned his communication skills at home, where his mom asked his dad lots of questions like that, but she received them, with the same kind of monotone, one-word replies.

Strong families are held together by good communication. Communication is discussing the burdens of your heart…opening the windows of your soul at times, sharing your feelings. Not disrespecting or being overbearing in the conversation.
Ephesians 4:29 says:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Zig Ziglar tells the story of a lady who went to her Minister, because she wanted a divorce from her husband.
“Do you have any grounds?” The Minister asked…3 acres outside of town, you’ve been there!
“No, I mean, do you have a grudge?”…no, a carport
“No, like, does your husband beat you up?”…no, I’m up at 6, an hour before him!
“Oh my, I’m saying, do you have a case?”…no, we’ve got a John Deere!
“Ma’am, I’m trying to ask, are you and your husband having a troubles?”…oh yes, lots of troubles… “Like what?”…He just can’t communicate!

Marriage counselors say over half of all divorces are the result of poor communication, and that if they could have just learned to talk, they could have saved their marriage.

Here are the 7 “B’s” of good listening:
1.Be Observant.
You listen with your eyes as much as your ears…look at them, show them you’re listening.
Albert Moravian of UCLA is a noted researcher in communication. He said that only 7% of our true feelings are conveyed by the actual words we speak. 38% by the way we say those words. And a whopping 55% is conveyed thru body language…non-verbal communication:
Facial expression, eye contact, posture, and tone of voice.

2. Be Available.
Communication is like fishing…it doesn’t do much good to go when it’s convenient, to catch fish, you have to go when they’re biting.
This is especially true with teens, I’m told (and have experience)…when teens really want to talk, which I’m told and again, (have experienced) is quite rare, you’d better be available. It might be at midnight when they get in from that youth activity, but you’d better do it then…they won’t resemble the same person in the morning!
It might be during your favorite TV program…better turn it off and listen. Some of Brady’s and mine best conversations are on our way home from Wednesday night Bible study, or at Gold Star Chili.

3. Be Considerate.
It’s amazing how considerate we are to others out in public, but how rude we can be to our own family members. If we interrupted at work like we do at home, we’d be sent home permanently! Or walk away from them while talking, or ignore. We can’t take each other for granted.

4. Be Demonstrative.
We’re talking physical…hugs, kisses, pats, massages, etc. Use them often. Gary Smalley says women need non-sexual touch…little things, not groping like a piece of meat. He says women need 8 of these touches per day. (Some of you guys will wake up tomorrow and go 12345678…) It doesn’t work that way.

5. Be Wise.
Learn to attack the problem, not the person. Ladies: nagging is not communicating! (Not one man said Amen, bunch of cowards! Don’t leave me hanging’ here!) Bringing up past offenses is not wise! (Joke—guy says, every time my wife and I fight she gets historical. “You mean hysterical?” No, historical…she brings back everything I’ve ever done since we got married.) And before I get into too much trouble…Men, sarcasm will get you nowhere! (And my wife says, Amen!)
6. Be An Example.
Parents, it’s a cold hard fact…I hope you’re not 90 before you realize that we don’t get what we want, we get what we ARE!
Percentage of American teens who say they want to be like their parents: 39%.

Children who see physical violence between their parents are six times more likely to abuse their own spouses after they marry. If those children were also hit by their parents as teenagers, they are 12 times more likely to abuse their spouses.

7. Be Courageous.
The main reason we don’t communicate is fear…we’re simply afraid of what we might hear! We’re afraid to make ourselves vulnerable, so instead, just blurt out how it’s going to be, like it or lump it!

So, strong families have a strong sense of commitment. They have communion…spending time together. They have good communication, and express themselves well.


Joshua 24:15
But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.